How Equestria Was Made
by randomsnark
Summary: Pinkie Pie reflects on her past, examines her present, and looks forward to a joyful future.


**How Equestria Was Made**

_There was no talking. There was no smiling._

There were only rocks, and the grit-grey dust of the rock fields. Her nose was numb with the weariness of countless tiny abrasions, and her hooves were worn as grey as the dust beneath them. Pinkamina sighed. It was that old familiar tug again, that she often felt, alone amongst the rocks. A part of her ached for something that just wasn't there. She didn't know what it was, not exactly, but she knew it was real, and it hurt. Taking a moment from her labors, she turned her eyes upwards from the small pile of rocks at her feet, and over the barren trees to the south. The sky over her head was as ever, dark and heavy as iron, and barren as the fields of the family farm; but to the south, in the lands where the rains still fell, there was movement in the skies some days, and if you looked for it, a glimpse of paler greys and lighter days.

As Pinkamina's eyes drifted beyond the stark woodlands, her breath caught in her throat. There, hanging in the skies against the clouds, was the ghostly glimpse of something new, something she'd never seen before. Fragile as a cobweb stretched out above the trees was a thread of vibrant color, faint, but to her eyes so accustomed to shades of grey, unmistakable. Stretched out in thin reflection, she saw all the colors, all the possibilities of light, laid out just for her. In that moment, something changed in her. Something she'd only known before, but now she saw. It was real. She didn't have the words to fit to the experience - her family had never had much patience for that kind of nonsense - but if she'd known, she might have called it beauty. Wonder. She'd never known joy like that before.

As quick as a change in the wind, the glimpse was gone, and again she was just a cold and tired filly, standing alone in a field, staring at the sky. Her wet cheeks still ached with that unfamiliar, blissful expression, but she didn't want it to ever stop.

Her eyes dropped back to the grey of the land, and she remembered that her family would be calling her in soon for dinner, for the thin oat porridge the traders brought them in exchange for their finest rocks. Her faded brown father and that pale mare who had brought her forth those few long years ago, who seldom spoke and never smiled - Pinkamina cared for them. She did. She couldn't help it. But there was something so weary and worn about them, so heavy and immovable and old, though they had many years still to live. She wondered if they'd ever known real happiness, if they'd forgotten about it or traded it away for oats. _No_, she decided, that first smile still hanging on her lips. Nobody would give this away, once they knew. _I just have to make them see._

The next day she woke up extra early and trotted out to the barn. One by one she dragged some of their finest rocks out to the narrow dirt road that wound past the farmhouse, where the traders would bring their wagons in the early morning to sell milk to those farms who could afford it. They didn't usually stop here, but she knew she'd be able to flag them down.

Sure enough, the predawn calm was soon broken by the distant creaking of wooden wheels, growing slowly louder as the traders made their morning rounds. As Pinkamina heard them approaching, she pulled herself up from where she lay in a tired slump next to the rock pile, and dashed out into the road, bouncing with excitement. Moments later the wagon pulled into sight around the bend, and slowed to a halt in front of her.

"Why hello there, little filly!" the big cartpony pulling the wagon greeted her, "Ain't had call to stop at this property in some time now. What can we do yer for this morning?"

Pinkamina felt her excitement surging up uncontrollably.

"Ooh! Ooh! I need to put on a party! I need colors and music and lights and _everything_!"

"Whoa there, little one." the trader chuckled. "Don't know if we have all that, but we do have a big ol' bag of streamers, surplus from a party some folks threw last month. How much do you suppose you'll be needin'?"

"_ALL THE STREAMERS!_" Pinkamina could barely contain herself, and began to run around in tight circles before remembering herself and skidding to a halt. She straightened herself up into a more dignified pose before the amused cartpony and cleared her throat. "Ahem. I mean . . . all of them, please."

The trader's stifled laughter shifted to a more businesslike furrowing of his brow. "It's an awful big load, little filly, you sure you need all of it?"

"Oh, yes."

"And you're sure you can afford it?"

"Oh yes, oh yes. We have lots of rocks!" She nodded over to the pile she had painstakingly dragged out to the road, scraping them one by one past her snoring family. The trader glanced it over. It was certainly a big pile, and some very fine rocks.

"Well, alrighty. Let's get those rocks up on the wagon and unload yer purchase."

The sun was rising, and with it, Pinkamina knew her family would be too. She was so excited. She looked around at the barn she had lovingly draped with streamers. Every inch of what had once been a drab and utilitarian space was now as bright and perfect as if it were filled with a thousand rainbows, plucked from the sky just for her family to see. She couldn't wait!

Outside, she heard the farmhouse door creaking open, and her father's tired voice muttering, "We'd better harvest the rocks from the south field." She began to trot a little dance of joy, her hooves thudding against the cold barn floor, blowing happily on the little flute the trader had given her as a parting gift - for being such a good customer.

Her mother heard the sound, and called out to her, "Pinkamina Diane Pie! Is that you?"

Grinning, Pinkamina ducked her head out around the weathered barn door. "Mom! I need you and Dad and the sisters to come in here quick!"

She popped back inside and went back to her playing and dancing, and moments later, the barn door swung open and her family trotted in. Their jaws dropped open in shock, and their eyes sprung wide. "Surprise!" she cried, "It's called, 'a party'!"

She saw emotions flicker across her father's face, as his customary straw dropped from his slack lips. Confusion. Anger. Despair. Her mother's eyes displayed not the joy she had hoped for, but a mingling of sorrow and fear, and her sisters cringed in shock. Her father's face completed its tour of rage and stopped as still as stone.

"Oh." Pinkamina said. _I... I've failed them._ "You _don't_ like it."

And then-and then in a moment, their eyes changed as hers had. The air was filled with streamers and laughter, and the thump-a-thump of joyous dancing hooves. And with a flash and a sparkle, her cutie mark sprung into being, three cheery balloons stencilled on her flank. From then on, Pinkie devoted her life to creating joy for everyone she knew.

"And that's how Equestria was made!"

There was a joy in the way she said it, a forcefulness, and in that moment, Scootaloo knew it was true. It was all true. But that wasn't how it had happened. Somehow, she knew. They hadn't just smiled and embraced her newfound _joi de vivre_. She knew it, as if she had been there. She could remember their scowls, their disappointment. And suddenly she knew she was in deep darkness. Suddenly she remembered she wasn't Scootaloo at all.

"Oh, come on. She's just being Pinkie Pie!" She shook her head and smiled, and once again was in the bright sunshine of Equestria. That had been strange. She could almost remember... "Come on! Let's go find Rainbow Dash!"

_Maybe later I can tell you the story of how I got my cutie mark..._

The story faded away, barely remembered, but the parties were never forgotten. A party was thrown whenever given the slightest excuse, or _opportunity_ as Pinkie liked to think of them. She never missed an opportunity to throw the parties her friends loved so much. Today was a very special opportunity! It had been one year since she met Gummy! _One year..._ It was his birthday! Pinkie Pie was hopping up and down and back and forth just thinking about it! First came the invitations, of course. Then the party. The invitations were important too. She'd have to drop in and make sure all her friends would be able to receive the invitations, or what would be the point in making them?

She reached Twilight's house first, knocked briskly on the door and hopped in without pausing.

"Hey Twilight!"

Twilight was, as always, horn deep in a book, a slight frown of concentration on her adorkable little face. She didn't seem to hear Pinkie come in, so Pinkie hopped over and thrust her face down in front of the book, turning upside down to look up at Twilight. Unicorns always looked so funny upside down. It was probably the horn.

"Oh, hey Pinkie."

"Watcha reading?" Pinkie grinned and righted herself with a twist and a hop. Twilight was still frowning slightly.

"Just some stuff about the study of minds. It's a little heavy, but I think it's important."

"Huh? What could be so important about that old junk?"

"Well," Twilight tossed her fringe to the side, and Pinkie could tell she was dropping into Lecture Mode, "as you know, Friendship is, in many ways, what holds Equestria together. Almost all of my magical studies relate in some way to the power of Friendship and, at its core, Friendship is a relationship between the hearts and minds of individuals. I need to know about all the wonderful things people are capable of, but I also need to know what can go wrong and how to face it when it does."

"Huh. Like what?"

"Well, what I'm reading here is about responses to traumatic incidents. Sometimes when the truth is too much to bear, people just wrap themselves up in their own make-believe world so they don't have to face it. Then, when it's time for them to wake up, when they really _need to wake up_, their dream world begins to turn against them, doing anything to try to make them _wake up_, telling them stories within stories, awakening old memories, metaphors, _anything_, _JUST PLEASE WAKE UP_!"

Twilight had become more caught up in her lecture and more agitated as she went on, until this last was delivered in a hoarse scream. Pinkie Pie cringed back on her haunches, her pupils narrowed and her ears laid flat against her head.

"Okay, jeez. I get it. Why do you spend your time reading about those things? Sounds a little creepy if you ask me." She tried to laugh it off, but deep down she was a little rattled by the sudden outburst. Twilight seemed shaken too, as if she wasn't really sure why she'd yelled that way. Twilight could be a bit like that sometimes though. Sometimes Pinkie thought she might be a little crazy, but that was okay.

"Uh. I- Well, sometimes you need to understand bad things in order to face them."

"That's silly!" Pinkie giggled. "Any time something bad happens, you just laugh and make it disappear!"

Twilight's eyes grew distant and a look of concern flitted across her face before she smiled again. "Oh, Pinkie. What did you say you were here for again?"

"I didn't say! I'm going to be delivering invitations today! Gummy's birthday! It's been a year!" She began to hop with excitement again, up and down and back and forth.

"That's great! When's the party?"

"No, silly! I'm not inviting you _now!_ I just had to make sure you'd be here for when I invite you later! If I invite you now it will spoil the invitation!"

"Oh." Twilight looked bemused, but went along with it. "Well, I'll be here all through today. I have a lot of studying to do." She gave a meaningful glance at the page she had been reading before she was so rudely interrupted.

"Grrrrreat! I'll go check with the others! This is going to be the best party ever!"

And it was the best party ever, because all Pinkie's best friends were there. But like every party, sooner or later it ended, as her friends all went their own way. As the music died down and her friends began to leave, Pinkie called out into the darkness after them, "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"

She didn't want to say it more strongly than that, didn't want to be a downer, but she needed them to stay. It was dark and empty when they were gone, and once again she was alone with that old familiar yearning. Just one party was never quite enough to make up for it.

"Uh, I think I'm gonna pass." Twilight called back from the darkness. "Great party though! We should do this again soon!"

Pinkie's eyes widened, and suddenly she felt the light returning. "We _should_ do this again soon!"

In what felt like no time, the sun was rising once again, bringing light back to the land, and with it came "Soon".

Once again, Pinkie was filled with the joys of anticipation and friendship. Gleefully, she rapped on Twilight's door at first light, already beginning to hop again, up and down and back and forth, with that irresistible blend of forceful happiness and energetic hope.

"It's Soon!" She announced the moment the door swung open.

"Pardon me?" Twilight blinked her eyes, full of sleep and confusion, and perhaps something else.

"You said we should have another party soon and, it's soon! Here's your invitation!" She tilted the basket of invitations forward, and Twilight plucked one from the pile hesitantly, and began to read aloud.

"You're invited to Gummy's after-birthday party. This afternoon at 3 o'clock."

Pinkie pranced with anticipation. "All our bestest friends are invited and there's gonna be dancing and games and cake and ice cream and punch!"

Twilight shifted her weight from hoof to hoof. "This afternoon? As in, this afternoon this afternoon?"

"Yes indeedy!"

"Oh, gosh. I wish I could make it, but I've gotten a bit behind in my studies. I've really gotta hit the books."

Pinkie was disappointed, but she had plenty of other friends, who were always there for her. She knew they'd like her party!

But she had no more luck with the others, either. It didn't seem to matter how much she'd prepared or how much joy she wanted to bring. They were all too busy with other things. Alone in her room, she sat and pondered their excuses, while Gummy played with _a ball of yarn_._ Don't think about it._

"Something strange is definitely going on around here, Gummy. Sure, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had to house-sit for that vacationing bear, but what are the chances all my other friends would have plans this afternoon too? Rarity has to wash her hair? Applejack has to pick apples? Twilight is behind on her studies and has to hit the books? The more I think about it the more those are starting to sound like... excuses!"

An investigation was in order. Part of her wanted to believe her friends cared about her, but something else, whispering, deep and locked away, wanted to know the truth, no matter how grim.

It was a simple enough matter to follow up on this creeping feeling - Pinkie Pie was a master of surveillance - but every secretive errand she witnessed, every surreptitiously whispered conversation only served to ingrain the thought more deeply in her mind. _They don't like my parties._ And there was something else beneath that thought, scrabbling at the back of her mind like hooves against a coffin lid.

That scrabbling grew louder with every word her friends spoke, blissfully ignorant of her eavesdropping. _I'd hate for her to ruin everything._ Rarity and Twilight exchanged a suspicious package. _I'm just glad I was able to come up with an excuse._ The package passed on to Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash carrying still more suspicious goods, traced to Applejack's barn. _The old barn. _Even honest Applejack, turning her away with a transparent lie. _We're just fixing up the barn, yes-siree._

It all added up to... she wasn't sure quite what yet. She knew, somewhere deep down, but she couldn't quite grasp what it was she knew. _They didn't like my party._ But she did know how to get to the bottom of it. Get to the bottom of it, _big time_.

One thing Pinkie Pie knew even better than surveillance was interrogation. With Gummy latched on like some Promethean vulture, and a plate of gems floating just out reach like the apple of Tantalus, Pinkie had Spike locked in his own personal hell. Nonetheless, he was proving uncooperative.

"No, you're not understanding me!" Pinkie fumed. "I want you to confess!"

"Confess?"

"Confess!"

"I'm the one who spilled juice all over Twilight's copy of _Magical Mysteries and Practical Potions_." Spike babbled desperately.

"And?"

"And I'm the one who used up all the hot water in Ponyville yesterday when I took a seven hour bubble bath!"

"And?"

"Sometimes, when no one's around, I do this!" He pulled up a mirror and began to posture and pose in front of it ludicrously.

"No! No! _No! NO!_" Pinkie raged. She could feel the answer tantalizingly close, constantly deflected by meaningless distractions.

"What do you want to hear?" Spike begged. "Tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it!"

And in that moment, the answer came clearly, not from Spike, but from herself.

"Tell me that my friends are all lying to me and avoiding me because they don't like my parties and they don't want to be my friends any more!"

"Your friends are all lying to you and avoiding you because they don't like your parties and they don't want to be your friends any more!"

"_A ha!_" She exclaimed triumphantly. "I _knew_ it!"

And then she realized. She _had_ known it. She had known it all along. But now she remembered. _They don't like my parties. They put me here because they didn't like my party._ As quick and subtle as the breath of wind that scatters a rainbow, it was over. The dream was gone, and she remembered the darkness.

The basement was as grey and dusty as the barn and fields above, and in the faint light cast by the outline of the trapdoor high above, she could see the dim silhouettes of her oldest friends, her friends who had never needed faces, who had lived in the darkness before Equestria was made. And the depths held other things, too. Somewhere, in the shadows beyond the feeble pool of light, she could hear Gummy scuttling in the darkness. Only, in the darkness, he wasn't Gummy. In the darkness, he had teeth.

There were memories here, when her friends left. _They put me here because they didn't like my party._ She didn't need to look down to see the three dangling manacles stenciled on her flank. She remembered. _You traded our finest rocks for streamers?_ She remembered, and she began to rock again, up and down and back and forth. _They put me here because they didn't like my party. - I'd hate for her to ruin everything._ A-twitch-a-twitch. _Pinkamina! What will we eat? You've ruined us! - I'm just glad I was able to come up with an excuse. - Our finest rocks! - We're just fixing up the barn, yes-siree._ She rocked and twitched and remembered. All the things she remembered. _They put me here because they didn't like my party._

"Are you well, Madame?" The voice came from the slumped shape of her oldest friend.

She knew she shouldn't respond. It wasn't real. None of it was real. But she couldn't help it. She needed this. Maybe she would pretend again, just for a moment. She looked up at her friends and tried to smile.

"Thank you all so much for coming!" If she squinted, the sharp outlines of the turnips and the corner of the flour sack almost looked like party hats through the blurring tears. "It means so much to- to Gummy!"

"Could I have some more punch?" Mister Turnips asked, in his blunt and direct way. _Punch. Of course there's punch. What's a party without punch?_

"Of course you can have more punch, Mister Turnips!" Pinkamina said with glee, fetching him a cup. For a moment the darkness flickered, and it was almost like she was back at Sugar Cube Corner. _It's not real, it was never real. I can't let myself believe it's real._

"This is one great party! You've really outdone yourself!" As the rocks spoke, she fancied she could see them moving. The party hat was no longer just a shadow, but had taken on vivid orange stripes.

"Why, thank you, Rocky!" She responded graciously, trying to remember...

"I'm having a wonderful time as well!" Sir Lintsalot broke in on her brief revery.

"I'm so glad, Sir Lintsalot!" She twitched again, and the room grew still more vivid around her. _A-twitch-a-twitch. It's not real. Not real._

"Might I trouble you for another slice of cake?" Madame Le Flour asked, as charming as ever.

"Anything for you, Madame Le Flour!" Pinkamina passed her the cake, and her guests began to chatter.

"I'm just glad none of them ponies showed up."

"Oh." Pinkie tried to maintain a grip. _There's no Equestria. No wings and horns and magic._ "They're not..." _REAL! THEY'RE NOT REAL!_ "...so bad." It was drifting away again, she could feel it.

"Not so bad? Puh-lease. They're a bunch of losers!" No... they- they were her friends. Weren't they?

"Come on now. Losers might be a little strong, don't you think?"

"After the way they treated you? I'd say losers wasn't strong enough." It was hard to know now which part of her was speaking and which was answering.

"Well, it was pretty rude..."

"Pretty rude? It was downright despicable!"

"It was, wasn't it!" _They put me here._

"If I were you, I wouldn't speak to them ever again."

"You know what? I'm _not_ going to speak to them ever again!" Even now, part of her remembered. _Don't speak to the ponies. You mustn't._

"And I'm not going to invite them to another party as long as I live!" _No more parties. They put me here because they didn't like my party._

"They don't deserve to be invited to my parties! Not after the way they've been acting!" She began to lose track entirely, and the conversation became a sea of voices. "Despicable! Losers! That's right! No more parties! Yes! You show 'em!" And underneath those, an older voice, bleak with despair. _You have ruined us._

A rap on the door cut off that thought before it could begin. "Who could that be?"

A blue face swam up out of the darkness, a face she had banished from her mind. Nervously, her hooves scrabbled against the stone floor, scrambling for some purchase upon reality.

"Hey there, Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow Dash smiled at her nervously, and she scowled back. _You mustn't speak to the ponies._ "Sorry I was in such a rush earlier! I had some place I had to be and couldn't slow down to say hello. You know how it goes."

She gritted her teeth. "I know how it goes alright."

"Yeaaah." Rainbow Dash looked around nervously, as if she could sense the darkness, sense this alien place that had existed before her world began. "So, why don't you come with me over to Sweet Apple Acres?"

_She's not real. You mustn't forget._

"No thanks. I'm spending time with my _real_ friends. Isn't that right, Madame Le Flour?" She reached out to touch the solidity of the flour sack, and for a moment Sugar Cube Corner seemed that little bit more nebulous by comparison. She could do this. She could hold on.

"Oui! Zat is correct, Madame!" spoke the calming voice of sanity. Rainbow Dash tried to regain her attention, but she was already offering another slice of cake to Sir Lintsalot. Gummy hopped past in the periphery of her vision, dragging _a balloon. It's just a balloon._ Suddenly Ponyville seemed so appealing. _Just for a moment?_

"Oookay." Rainbow Dash seemed to sense her hesitation, and seized the moment. "What do you say we get on out of creepy town and head over to Applejack's-" But then Mister Turnips was there, defending her.

"She's not going anywhere!" _I have to hold on. I have to stay._

"I most certainly am not! I'm-" She tried to think of a reason to stay, and could find none. Half a lie, perhaps, was better than losing herself again. "I'm having a wonderful time right here!"

Rainbow Dash persisted, "You should really just come with me."

But again stark reality intruded, and Rocky was there for her. "She ain't going nowhere, chump!"

Pinkamina twitched. Why couldn't she be with her friends? What was there for her in the darkness? She could never be sure if it had been her or Rainbow Dash that lashed out at Rocky, but as the pile of rocks thudded to the floor, it was the wooden floor of Sugar Cube Corner they bounced on, and suddenly Pinkie didn't know why it would ever have been anything else.

"That's it." Rainbow Dash said, now as vivid and real as she had ever been. "Party's over. Come on, Pinkie Pie."

"No!" She couldn't recall why, but she knew it was important. _Don't speak to the ponies. They drove me here because they didn't like my parties._

"Pinkie Pie! Let's go!"

"I said _no!_" She knew she was being dragged in again, but she couldn't resist. It was like a physical force, pushing her back into Equestria. _My... friends._

"You have to come with me!"

"No. I. Don't!" With a last desperate effort, Pinkie bucked Rainbow Dash back into the party table, laden with cake. But she was already forgetting why she fought it. All she remembered was that they'd hurt her, that they'd driven her away. But now they were already dragging her back, back to the barn that stood in the fields, the barn filled with streamers and memories. She didn't want to go back.

But try as she might, she could not resist. Once again that barn door swung open, not a grey old barn on a dusty plain, not a rickety dank place filled with rocks and wormy oatsacks. It was everything she knew in her heart a barn _should_ be; bright and red and strong, standing firm amidst the fertile fields and abundant orchards, bursting with juicy apples, in season and out. But still she found herself standing in a barn wreathed in streamers, and some deep part of her knew, this was where it went wrong. _This is when they send me away._

"I really thought she'd be more excited," Fluttershy murmured.

"Excited?" Pinkie exploded, "Excited? Why would I be excited to attend my own farewell party?"

"Farewell party?" Twilight leaned forward with that concerned frown Pinkie knew so well.

"Yes! You don't like me any more, so you decided to kick me out of the group and throw a great big party to celebrate! A Farewell to Pinkie party!"

"Why in the world would ya think we didn't like ya anymore, sugahcube?" drawled Applejack.

"Why? _Why?_" Pinkie raged, half at them, and half because she could no longer remember herself. "Why?" Suddenly the answer came to her. "Because you've been lying to me and avoiding me all day! That's why!"

She felt waves of emotions buffeting her. Anger. Despair. Half-recalled rage. But that wasn't her, that was someone else, long ago. This time it could be different. This time it could be the way it always should have been. The way it always had been.

While she wrestled with nameless things, the ponies had been speaking. She picked up the tail end of their conversation, with Twilight's calmly reasoned plea.

"If this is a farewell party, why does the cake I picked up from Sugar Cube Corner say 'Happy Birthday Pinkie Pie'?"

_Birthday?_ Something clanged in the darkness in the back of her mind. _It's been a year today... _But she felt something here stronger than the terror. She looked around that barn, clad from floor to rafters in rainbow streamers, and she remembered. _This is right. This is how it should be._

And as it all came back, she felt that same change again, that color returning to the world and that joy to her eyes. _Of course!_

"Because... it's my birthday! How could I have forgotten my own birthday? And you like me so much you decided to throw me a surprise party!" She beamed with joy, and began to hop around with excitement, knowing that all was right again.

"That's what we've been trying to tell you, darling." said Rarity gently.

"You girls are the best friends ever! How could I ever have doubted you?" A voice whispered something, and she silenced it.

"It's okay, Pinkie Pie," Twilight reassured her, "it could have happened to any of us."

Rainbow Dash floated by, dropping in a casual quip.

"I'm just glad I haven't been replaced by a bucket of turnips."

Pinkie Pie's smile froze on her face.

"Huh?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"You don't want to know." And Pinkie decided, neither did she. She never wanted to think about any of that ever again. She would stay here happily, with her best friends.

Forever.


End file.
